"It's okay, I understand" If that sentence comes out of my mouth when you've broke my heart in to pieces, trust me, I've sacrificed every bit of my sanity just so I wouldn't lose you.
I would always sacrifice my own well being just so you could keep yourself all together while you let me break down in to billions of pieces.
I’ve lost all counts of how many times I’ve said that phrase. Gosh, that was exhausting.
I've been hurt so much, and I've always chose to understand why. "Why?" Because, I believed that there was good and better in the hearts of people even if they're consumed with darkness, or so I thought. I learned it the hard way. I learned that if people can give you a heart ache repeatedly without changes, they'll always stay that way. There's no good in them if they chose to be the villain themselves.
The truth is, I don’t understand. I will never understand. I don’t understand how you can have the guts to put an ache in my heart when all I gave you was nothing but pure love.
I can’t be mad. Why can’t I show off my anger? Why am I consumed with so much guilt if I did? They told me to never invalidate myself, is it because they’re the ones who will?
I wish I could instead say "But, why? I don't understand why. Please make me understand, please explain it to me in ways that I could understand. Why'd you do that? Why did you choose to do that?"
I wish I could tell them how exhausted I am with repeating those words over and over again. I wish for once, for them to understand me like how I understand them.
All the words and emotions I've kept in the depth of my mind whenever somebody shatters my soul & heart is unbelievably insane.
I was born to say "It’s okay, I’ll always understand", But one day, I’ll live to say "No, it was never okay. I can’t seem to understand"
