If I were to fall in love again..
At the moment, I don't feel like loving again, I didn't think love would be that rigid. I thought you're supposed to feel at peace when you're in love, but why do I feel like I'm killing myself in the presence of that so called "love"?
It feels impossible to get up and pick up the heart that had fallen out of my body. I don't even think that I'll step in the door of love, again.
But..
If I ever find myself in the position where I choose to fall inlove again..
I want the love I'll fall in to... to be gentle. I hope that love will make me feel secure, sheltered, and at peace.
I don’t want to cry over something that broke my heart while feeling foolish. I don’t want to be crying and finding myself staring at the ceiling while my mind explodes from all the weighty thoughts.
I want to find myself smiling over a cute text they sent. I don’t want to be crying because i felt pain, I want to be in tears of joy because of their comfort that keeps me secluded.
I pray to the universe to send me someone who will detest seeing tears in my eyes when I’m feeling down and who will be afraid to injure me or make me weep. I hope that person’s mere presence chases away my troubles. I hope that person will voluntarily wipe my face with their bare hands, not caring that some of my tears end up on their hands.
To the person I’ll eventually choose to love...
Please take good care of me and comfort me if I feel like giving up. I hope that even at my darkest moments, you will choose to be my ally rather than a rival and stick with me. Please avoid becoming as dense as the boys in this generation. If I’m being sensitive and vulnerable with you; please don’t get upset with me. I’m sick of the heartaches this world gives me, so be my last and be gentle to my heart.
I know that sometimes I may seem like a burden to you, but even in those situations, I ask that you continue to love me for who I am. You can rest in my presence when difficulties arises, so ease up, and let’s take baby steps toward the barriers we will undoubtedly overcome. I hope you’ll take care of me and love me for who I am.
Finally, to myself..
If you ever find yourself falling for a person again, make sure that person is willing to choose you over anything that withers you both. Don't rush and let yourself breathe at the moment. When the time is right, I hope you'll find someone who'll cherish every letter of your words, every step you take, every word that comes out of your mouth, every gesture you make, every thoughts you think of, every beat of your heart, every oxygen that you breathe in and out, every smile you show, every tears you've hidden, every burden within you, and finally, everything about you. It's not easy to fall in love again knowing you've lost hope, but I'll make sure that you'll get up and rebuild yourself again. In the mean time... find yourself before finding the one.
