How can I be proud of my achievements knowing I was obligated to achieve them, not for my sake but for theirs?
— The feeling of being an overly burnt out academic achiever
The day I started feeling a wind that blew off my strengths causing clouded thoughts to blur that was once a bright blue sky where no pollution can be seen on, I knew a gale was heading towards the trophies and medals that I sculpted with every parts of my brains filled of pressure and obligations to please every glimpse of their satisfaction while I sulked in the corner of my room wondering if I’ll ever be genuinely happy and proud of my achievements; not because I was obligated to achieve every one of them for the sake of other people, but because I was happily doing so, for my self.
I should be glad that those achievements of mines has my name labeled on it, but how can I? When all of those accomplishments were the reasons of why my body is starting to melt like the wax of those candles after it’s burnt. But, the difference is a candle could be easily replaced after it lost its light, but my life can’t if I lost my hope to continually living in the fact that I cannot achieve everything without it being controlled nor forced.
How can I run away from all these when I’m the one whose letting all it happen? How can I escape this hole when I’m the one who digged it? I just can’t, no matter how hard I try. Because, at the end of the day, I was the one who lit the fire and let myself melt again and again.
So, let this be a reminder that it’s okay to crave validation from other people, but it’s not okay to make it a hobby. Spend time for yourself, take care of your health, take care of your mind, and keep achieving the awards you deserve for your sake — not for theirs. You’re not obligated to please up to their level of satisfactory, they’re not responsible to build who you truly are. You’re you, and living without feeling as if you’re just living to survive has to come with self satisfactory, self love, and self decisions. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’m proud of you no matter the circumstances are, wether you achieved something or you didn’t.
Waking up everyday and choosing to continue everything despite hardships is still an achievement.
